Professor dating graduate student

People will perceive you as having an unfair advantage due to the relationship, regardless of whether it is true.

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Honestly, it would be a complete pain in the ass to hide one's partner from one's peers throughout several years of graduate school. My partner works a job that often requires working on Friday and Saturday nights. As such, when I mention him and people haven't met him, they often ask when they will, for more information on him, etc. And, because we are partners, he is invited to departmental events just like I am and attends them when his work schedule permits. BUT, that doesn't mean that it would be easy to hide our relationship from everyone in my department. OP, if you end up trying to hide your relationship, you will have to constantly be on guard about what you say and do.

That's not an action to be taken lightly, considering that you'll have to do it for several years.

Phd student dating professor

You have to consider whether or not that it is worth it. That wouldn't bother me in the slightest either, especially given that there isn't much of an age-difference. Heck, we're in grad-school; by this point it would probably be weirder to be dating a high-school student than to be dating a professor.

People bond over shared interests, after all, and people in the same field usually have a lot of the same specific full-fledged passions for the same topics and subdisciplines! Just talk about him the way you would any SO, but if you're asked what he does, just say something along the lines of, 'oh, right now he's doing some teaching over at XYZ College'. Let them make their own inferences; most young professors were grad-students very recently, after all, and there's nothing especially shocking about a grad-student dating another grad-student.

I agree - evasive lying is the way to go in this case. If they are seldom mentioned, maybe no one will ask. I wouldn't immediately drag them out to department functions or even student parties. Just be sure this is a long-term relationship before you jeopardize your future over it. That said, I, personally, would not care. Honestly, I'd end the relationship or make it super-casual as in he's not your boyfriend or partner; he's just someone you know and go out with on occasion.

It's probably not going to last anyway, and in the end the potential costs outweigh any benefits. If you lie about the relationship or you try to cover it up, then when people finally do find out about it, they will be more suspicious because you misled them. They will wonder why you had to hide it if you weren't doing anything wrong and no amount of explaining will convince them otherwise.

If everything is on the up and up, then it is in your best interest not to hide it regardless of what they will think. The consequences will be much worse if you try to cover it up and fail to do so. If you are going to grad school at a different institution where you significant other is not working, but he will visit you there, why do you have to introduce him as a former professor?

Why can't you just say 'this is my boyfriend JoeBlow'. If people say 'what do you do JoeBlow? We are all adults and I think you can date whomever. Just because he is a professor in the same field, would not equal him being your professor when you were in your undergrad. There were many profs in my small department that never taught me. If people are mature, I don't think it would matter. This is not something scandelous if you ask me!

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I think psycholinguist hit the nail on the head. Hiding the relationship or flaunting it may cause some questions to be asked. Let your colleagues get to know you and your work first. That would be enough for me.

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I may be off the mark, but it seems to me that a lot of the responses here are addressing the issue as if the professor was in the OP's current school or department. Besides, the OP said they only spent one semester and part of a summer in his lab. Perhaps it's because I'm in the Humanities, but how much effect could one semester and part of a summer in a lab have on one's credentials to get into a different grad program barring some outrageous results during that time?

I'm only starting grad school in the fall, but I doubt I will care very much about the relationships of my cohort even if they were dating a professor from a different university and any "judgments" I would form about someone would be based on my opinion of their work. That's just me, but I could imagine some members of an ultra-competitive cohort seeking any kind of edge seizing on something like this even if it had no effect on the OP's current status.

My only advice would be to act professionally. And mainly, pursue your own intellectual interests. I want to commend you for doing so, thus far.

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It stinks that there appears to be a double standard about academic females and who they date. Sometimes, you only have to do well in a male professor's class for the snide remarks to come out. If you keep it professional, then no one can reproach you for that. Let's suppose that your current relationship stays strong throughout school, and after.

Then you're lucky to have found someone who shares your intellectual passions. Who knows, maybe you can research together later, after you've established yourself.

Ever see those ultra cute professor couples who publish together? Since you're at a different school currently, you shouldn't worry about people wondering if you got preferential treatment. Your performance, over time, will reflect your true ability anyway. Now, suppose that things do not work out in the long run. It's a sad thought, but who knows what the future holds? You've stayed professional, so even if it feels like emotions are tied up in your work, you will have your own 1 integrity and 2 research.

I have never been involved with an authority figure prof or TA , but I have dated several study partners. When the relationship went bad, I wanted to distance myself from those guys in every way, and I usually strayed from my academic interests for a time. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't mixed work and romance, but when hormones are flying, it's hard not to.

In the end, you know what feels right. If you think your relationship is worth putting up with the immaturity of your cohort for a brief period of time, then do it! That said, I don't believe this is information you're obligated to mention. They're your peers, but not your BFFs. I believe if they do ask, skirting the question'll definitely allow for many implications to arise.

In this same vein, you're not dating a professor in that same graduate program. Even if they can believe you've had extra mobility due to dating this professor, they should realize your research should speak more for you than a relationship. I believe what another member mentioned - they're idea of you now will play a large role in what they'll think of you once they know. Would I ostracize you? Would I assume you'd been dating since you were 18? If one professor could pull enough strings to get someone into grad school.

I smell a conspiracy, or potential opportunity.

Your Answer

In all honesty, if I were a peer, I wouldn't care much at all. I try to stay out of people's relationships. I am laissez faire about this. I think lying about this would make it worse. Both for your mental health and if people did find out later. I think most people would feel more betrayed if lied to.

As for me, I wouldn't care. I've heard enough stories about varying academics who have had similar situations. Some are bad, some end well. I personally don't make judgements, especially since you started dating after you'd graduated. I think people will judge, but it's up to you whether you let it bother you. I know my school has many spousal hires, so I don't know if it would influence jobs, but it might be something to consider. You need to be a member in order to leave a comment.

Sign up for a new account in our community. Already have an account? By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The Lobby Search In. Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2. Posted October 30, The age difference is not very significant. We are in the same field.